After struggling with bulimia for many years, one day something magical happened. I threw up. That's not the magical part, though. The magical part is that it was for the last time. Ever, I thought. I would over succeeding years have 3 moments of relapse (eating binges) but for all intents and purposes, this was the end of my bulimia.Read More
I'm going to tell you a personal anecdote. It involves boobs, but trust me, it never goes beyond PG-13.
Not long after I started dating my sweetheart, and before I was earnestly pursuing recovery, he gave me what he thought was a compliment. It was along the lines of "whadda rack" and basically implied that I had large breasts. Now, in retrospect I have learned that this is something he thought that women like to hear. Maybe some women do enjoy hearing things like this. But not me.Read More
Terrible confession: I've always been secret big believer that romantic partners can “save” me from my eating disorder. Of course, this is completely untrue and, since we’re being honest, kind of unfair. Truthfully, what passes as "cured" (for the moment) is actually just the all-consuming power of a new love to occupy time that had previously been dominated by an eating disorder. Like many of the exciting parts of the first flush of love, though, it doesn't last.Read More
Not Good Enough knows that the grass is greener over there, because she’s looked over there for a really long time, and then looked back here and found it lacking.
Not Good Enough doesn’t need a ride, because taking the bus then walking home in the rain is totally fine.
Not Good Enough has never been upgraded from the kid’s table at Thanksgiving.Read More
Since I've started writing and opening up about my history of disordered eating, I've had a lot of people approach me. Some of them want to share their issues with eating, others want to commend me on sharing. Many of them, though, see what I write and wonder if I can offer insight as to how they can approach or help someone they are worried has an eating disorder.Read More
You should turn over a new leaf. Start fresh. Let it go.
Everyone spouts off variations of this phrase, from therapists to church to even Taylor Swift.
But what if you can't "shake it off"? What if you find yourself holding on to every little thing, from a fear that you'll lose your job to bad vibes from the grocery store clerk who was rude to you to the baggage that comes with romantic relationships both past and present?Read More