Sweet Surrender: A Little Debbie Death Match

Note: Here's a post from 2009 that really needed to see the light of day again. Enjoy! 

Little Debbie Death Match

Oh, Little Debbie. You loyal lunchtime companion, you siren of saccharine sweetness. With you, we've unwrapped so many smiles--and you've never asked for anything in return.

Which is all to say, Little Debbie, that you never did anything to deserve what follows...but in the dark reality of the real world, sometimes bad things happen to good people. Yup--it's time for a...

Little Debbie Death Match

But first, to get some important information out of the way:

What have you done?

 A side by side comparison of several Little Debbie treats to see which one will rise victorious through various challenges. Winners were determined simply: at the end of each challenge, which seemed the most edible? (Though, as a disclaimer, we did not eat them afterward)

Little Debbie Display

Which Treats Were Used?

 Since the Little Debbie line boasts over 50 varieties of snack cakes, it was elected (for the sake of brevity, and to conserve cash) to choose just four treats that would be representative of some of the major textures and flavors; ultimately, it was narrowed down to the following contenders from their list of bestselling treats: Cosmic Brownies, Oatmeal Creme Pies, Swiss Rolls, and Zebra Cakes.

Why Did You Do This?

 To see which snack cake is truly superior. And also, you know, for fun.

Let the games begin:

Challenge One: Death by Boiling


To see which treat would last the longest when dropped into a pot of boiling water.

See you in hell, cosmic brownie!
Still alive!


Dude. This brownie was a survivor--while the icing melted fairly quickly, even after six minutes the cake part was holding strong and still retaining much of its original form. It wasn't until minute seven that it began to fall apart.

See you in Hell, Oatmeal Creme Pie!
Oatmeal Creme Pie Boiling

Oatmeal Creme Pie:

This little guy never stood a chance. Almost instantly the snack cake began to fall apart when it hit the boiling water; in under thirty seconds, it had completely liquefied, with not even crumbs remaining.

See you in Hell, Swiss Rolls!
Swiss Rolls--After

Swiss Roll:

These dudes were probably the luckiest of the bunch: since they come in pairs, at least they didn't have to die alone. When the rolls hit the boiling water, the chocolate glaze melted almost immediately, with the cream filling following in short order--however, the cake held on for dear life, slowly unraveling and remaining solid (albeit bloated and soft) for a good four and a half minutes before the spongy pieces began to fall apart. 

Boiling a Zebra cake
Death to Zebra Cake!

Zebra Cake:

The first thing that happened was that this cake seemed to dissect itself: the top icing and middle creme layer began to melt, thus separating the cake layers, which then began to expand in the water. The pieces held steady for nearly five minutes until they began to disintegrate.

Winner: Cosmic Brownie, which not only lasted longest but also retained the best form.

Challenge Two: Death by Car

Objective: To see which treat would fare best when run over by a car.

Cosmic brownie about to be run over
Sweet Roadkill

Brownie: Held its form surprisingly well, considering that it was a frosted brownie--no frosting stuck to the car wheel. Perhaps because it was so oily? This one was definitely the most interesting to look at, too.

Oatmeal Creme Pie about to be run over

Oatmeal Creme Pie: Like the brownie, this little sandwich cookie fared pretty well, retaining its general makeup and not even losing much filling. 

Swiss Roll about to be run over
Sweet Roadkill

Swiss Roll: Total Goners. They stuck everywhere: the tire, between the treads, the ground. It was grisly.

Zebra cake about to be run over
Sweet Roadkill

Zebra Cake: Not much better than the Swiss Rolls--it seemed as if this snack cake exploded under the weight of the car. 

Winner: Oatmeal Creme Pie. While it was a hard decision between this and the brownie, ultimately the fact that the filling was intact made it slightly more appetizing.

Challenge Three: Death by Flight

Objective: To see which snack cake would fare best after being dropped from a second-story window.

Fallen brownie

Brownie: After landing on its side, Brownie almost looked normal...but upon closer inspection, had a strange and unnatural twist in its side. Sure, it survived...but it would never be the same.

Oatmeal Creme Pie after falling

Oatmeal Creme Pie: The cookies acted as a protective buffer, and quite honestly, this one probably just could have been dusted off and given to a friend, and nobody would have been the wiser.

Fallen Swiss Cake Roll

Swiss Roll: The roll cracked open at the seam, allowing the sweet cream to ooze out--the equivalent of a confectionery head wound?

Massacre! Creme Filling
Fallen Zebra Cake

Zebra Cake: Poor, poor Zebra Cake. This one fared the worst, hitting a step on the way down and leaving a sad trail of creme filling as it went. Zebra Cake was so not okay.

Winner: Oatmeal Creme Pie. It didn't seem to have suffered very much at all, other than collecting some dead leaves and dust.

Challenge Four: Death by Danny

Objective: To see which treat will fare best when jumped on by my friend.

Danny jumps on it

See? He meant business. 

Brownie after being jumped-on

Brownie: Not so bad at all. It definitely suffered, but didn't lose its form under the weight of the mighty jump.

Oatmeal Creme Pie, Smashed

Oatmeal Creme Pie: Sure, it's only a small bit of creme filling poking out of the top cookie...but who's to say it's not a cookie concussion, bound to claim the cookie's life at any moment?

Smashed Swiss Cake Roll

Swiss Roll: Oh, poor swirly treats: the creme that makes them so delicious was also their downfall, popping out at the ends and rendering them limp and a shadow of their former selves.


Zebra Cake: Though the form was somewhat intact, the moment the cellophane was lifted, half of the frosting and cake came with it. Another one bites the dust.

Winner: Brownie. It was close, but ultimately the Oatmeal Creme Pie looked like it might not survive.

Which Snack Takes the Cake?

Looks like it's a tie between the Oatmeal Creme Pie and the Brownie--but if you want a sweet survivor, stay away from the the iced snack cakes--they're total softies.


Overall, these Little Debbie treats are hardier than you might think: they're willing and able to withstand all sorts of hardship and will generally remain surprisingly edible. Of course, whether this information is comforting or horrifying is up to you. Naysayers may express horror at the health implications of ingesting foods that won't die. But isn't it much nicer to think that if you grew up eating them, you might have absorbed some of these sweet super powers?

Little Debbie Death Match

Cadbury Creme Salade Nicoise

Easter Salade Nicoise

Right here, right now, I'd like to give you permission to Cadbury Creme-ify your salad. 

Easter is coming, and Spring makes everyone excited about fresh produce. Well, you can share your excitement about vegetables, while not actually consuming any, with this totally sweet salad. Green tinted coconut acts as a bed upon which "tomatoes" of red candy, "olives" of black jelly beans, and a drizzle of chocolate as "vinaigrette". Since the signature aspect of the Niçoise salad is hard boiled egg, this indulgent version is topped with slivers of Cadbury Creme Egg. 

If anyone asks why it doesn't have tuna, well, I don't really like it on salad, so there you go.

Easter Salade Nicoise

Just don't eat too much, because you don't want to ruin your appetite for dessert! 

Here's how you do it. 

Cadbury Creme Salade Niçoise 

Makes 1

  • Approximately 1/2 cup coconut, tinted green (I used wide flakes)
  • 3-4 red hard candies
  • 6-8 black jelly beans
  • One Cadbury Creme Egg
  • Melted chocolate, for drizzling


  1. Place the Creme Egg in the fridge for about 15 minutes. This will firm it up for when you cut it.
  2. Meanwhile, place the green tinted coconut on an appropriately sized plate.
  3. Place the red candies and jelly beans in regular intervals over the top of the "lettuce".
  4. Once the Creme Egg has chilled, slice it into 4-5 coins and place them on the salad.
  5. Drizzle with melted chocolate, and serve. 
  6. Easter Salade Nicoise

If you enjoyed this, you may also enjoy my tutorial on how to make a candy salad.

Happy Easter!

Can You Ship an Ice Cream Cone?

I've always wondered about this, and maybe you have, too: can you ship an ice cream cone in the mail?

The obvious answer is no. Ice cream melts quickly, is highly perishable, and would likely arrive as a puddle. When regular carton ice cream is shipped, it's packed all crazy in dry ice, a shipping method which isn't quite as accessible as popping a stamp and dropping an envelope in a box.

But still. I wanted to know...how would an ice cream cone arrive? 

So, in the name of science, I decided to do a little shipping experiment.

I shipped myself an ice cream cone in the mail.  

First, I assembled materials: I printed a shipping label (I shipped to myself), got a padded envelope and airtight bag, and got in the car.

Next, I went to the closest ice cream shop, which happened to be Baskin-Robbins, where I picked up a scoop of mint chocolate chip. With sprinkles, because, well, rainbows!

This cone never saw what was coming.

Then, I performed the following steps, which you can see in photo form: I packed the cone in the airtight bag, gently forcing excess air out, and sealed it. I folded it over and put the cone in the envelope, which I then sealed. I approached the mailbox with trepidation. Would this work? The package felt cold in my hand. 

The very next day (which is impressive because as odd as it sounds, in Santa Fe the mail goes to Albuquerque to be sorted then comes back) I had a special arrival. It still felt cold, but I think this was just because it was a cold day. The envelope felt pretty much the same, if a bit thinner.

When I opened it up, here is what I found:

Ice cream cone massacre!

Although actually, that having been said, it wasn't as bad as I had feared. I had feared a lightly green dripping mess arriving in a soggy envelope. This was actually pretty tame, and the cone held its shape way better than I would have thought.

After considering it for a few moments, I put the entire bag in the freezer, aligned just so, so that the ice cream could pool in one portion of the bag and re-solidify.

At this particular moment, it's still in the freezer, and I'm pondering eating it. I know it got warm then cold again, but I am alarmingly not scared of bacteria, eating cookie dough willy-nilly and cake batter with a vengeance, and I haven't died yet. 

Would you eat this ice cream cone after it had been mailed?

The Ten Commandments of Guilty Pleasure Desserts

Hear thee, hear thee!

I have alarming news about the world: it is overrun with locally produced, artisan desserts. It's a frightening time to be alive, when where bearing a Twinkie or Snowball in your hand is viewed almost as disdainfully as smoking a cigarette in front of an elementary school.  

Why is it so terrible to take deep pleasure in sub-standard, commerically produced desserts? After all, life is short, and we have the right to derive pleasure both from high quality, lovingly baked desserts, as well as the ones that don't have any benefit but our gratification.

What follows is not just a series of commandments about guilty pleasure desserts, but an ode to their very essence! Follow these commandments for a life filled with guilty yet pleasurable sugary bliss.

Thou shalt not be local

A guilty pleasure shouldn't be a locally made food, unless you happen to live down the block from the Pop-Tart factory (in which case, I've been meaning to ask, can I move in with you?)

Thou shalt not be organic

If it has the word "organic" on it, be immediately suspicious of its guilty pleasure capacity. I've never in my life seen a package of Goetze's bullseye caramels labeled "organic"...have you?

Thou shalt not bear the word "artisan"

"Artisan" is a sure fire sign of quality that is not in the sphere of guilty pleasuredom. It is not a common attribute of a guilty pleaure dessert. 

Thou shalt be pre-packaged

If a dessert item is in plastic packaging, this is a very good sign. I am not talking about plastic wrap here, but the kind of plastic cello packaging that is sealed by machines. All the better if units are individually packaged and then put in a common box, such as Little Debbie brownies.

Thou shalt possess a list of ingredients totaling one mile long

If you are in doubt about whether or not a food can be considered a guilty pleasure, take a look at the ingredient list. If it is short and you can pronounce every single word on it, immediately put it back on the shelf and keep looking. Your guilty pleasure item should contain an impressive list of ingredients, most of which you do not recognize and/or cannot pronounce. 

Thou shalt not be classified as health food, ever

If anything about a dessert item smacks of health food, give it a wide berth. I'll be the first to admit that there are exceptions: Little Debbie's oatmeal creme pies might sound fairly virtuous, and I suppose the orange content in creamsicles could lull you into a sense of health security. 

Thou shalt not possess colors readily found in nature

We eat with our eyes first, so guilty pleasure desserts benefit from a healthy dose of color. But watch out: if the color looks suspiciously like one found in nature, it might not actually be a guilty pleasure. If it has a palette which vaguely resembles the colors of a Lisa Frank trapper keeper, you're in business.

Thou shalt not cost an arm and a leg

Have you ever anyone saying "these $4.25 a pop cupcakes made with all local organic ingredients are my guilty pleasure"? No. Twinkies are a guilty pleasure, and if you shop right, you can get two whole boxes for that price.

Thou shalt not possess nutritional benefits

What kind of nutritional benefits should a guilty pleasure dessert have? It should have zero. I firmly believe that the primary benefit of a guilty pleasure dessert is on a mental level and you shouldn't sully it with physical benefits. Or, put it this way: nobody in the history of ever has eaten Snowballs because coconut is high in manganese.

Thou shalt feel right at home in a child's school lunchbox

Here's a good test for whether a dessert classifies as a guilty pleasure or not. Would a six year old kid be psyched to find it in their lunch box? If so, you may have a guilty pleasure dessert on your hands. 

What is your governing law of what constitutes a guilty pleasure? Leave a comment!

Can You Bake Doughnuts Instead of Frying Them?

Apple Cider Doughnuts

When it comes to baking, I'm an experimenter. How 'bout you? 

Usually, my experiments involve making things more rich, more sweet, more indulgent. But this time, I was actually tempted to make something more virtuous. Maybe I'm maturing, after all. (or maybe not)

To set the scene for you: I was making some tasty apple cider doughnuts for my most recent Craftsy entry. Gosh are these things good. To make them even more apple cider-y, I made a glaze that had apple cider in it, too. They really came out splendidly.

Apple Cider Doughnuts

But I wondered, as I was cutting out the doughnuts for the third or fourth batch of frying three at a time, "what would happen if I baked these puppies?" so I decided to give it a try. I set the oven to a temperate 350, placed some pre-cut doughnuts on a baking sheet, and popped it in the oven.

Apple Cider Doughnuts

I let them bake for about 20 minutes. And when I took them out, here's what I found:

Apple Cider Doughnuts

To give more of a comparison, here's a side by side with a baked and a fried doughnut. Same exact dough, two distinctly different end results.

Apple Cider Doughnuts

So how do they stack up, flavor-wise?

Short answer? They taste good. But in terms of a comparison? That is tougher, because they are more different than you'd think, based on the fact that the only difference is the cooking method, and I used a flavorless vegetable oil. Here's a picture which features a few variations: top, a fried and glazed doughnut, then going clockwise, a fried doughnut unglazed, then a baked and glazed doughnut. 

Apple Cider Doughnuts

The baked doughnuts are tasty, but if you did a blind test, you'd never even guess they're a doughnut. They kind of have the texture of a Starbucks scone--you know what I mean when I say that, don't you? Sort of like a slightly coarse, sweet bread? Pleasant enough, and they tasted like they'd be great with cream and jam, or lightly buttered. But they weren't as much of a stand-alone indulgence as the fried doughnuts. They were more like lightly sweet apple biscuits.

Once I added the apple cider glaze, however, they were more of a stand-alone treat. If you're looking for a healthier way to enjoy doughnuts, you might want to give it a try. They don't taste exactly like a doughnut, so I won't make that claim, but they don't taste like suffering. 

Apple Cider Doughnuts

As a final observation, the baked version seemed to keep better (especially when glazed). You know how a fried doughnut that is more than a few hours old just starts to taste sad? That didn't happen with the baked version--they maintained their flavor for at least a couple of days at room temperature, whereas the fried ones had to be frozen to keep well.

If you'd like to see the doughnut recipe and try baking them for yourself, visit Craftsy. But instead of frying the doughnuts, bake them in a preheated 350 degree oven for about 20 minutes, or until golden. Baked or fried...enjoy!

What's your most recent baking experiment? 


Why Cupcakes Are Nutritious

Custom request, food pyramid in color

Cupcakes are totally nutritious! I say this, of course, as someone who makes a living writing about and drawing pictures of cake, so please take that into account if you're listening to me. Oh, and I should probably tell you that in no way, should I or could I be confused for a dietitian. Actually, perhaps I should re-title this post "Why I'll Never, Ever, Ever Be a Dietician"? Because what I'm going to do now is spend the next several inches of your internet telling you exactly why eating cupcakes is a great idea for your health. 

You know you love it. Let's go!

Custom order

You Burn Calories Eating Cupcakes! did you know that you burn 102 calories per hour while you're eating? That's right: eating is exercise! That means that if you manage to eat 10,000 calories of cupcake in one hour sitting, really, you didn't break the 10k mark because you burned 102 just simply by eating. And that doesn't include the calories you burned taking the wrapper off! Whew, I feel like I've exercised merely by thinking about it. Go get me a cupcake! 

My kind of egg!

Eggs are a low-cost, high-quality protein. They also have high amounts of something called choline, which is important as an anti-inflammatory, an assistant in maintaining membranes...and, most importantly, maintaining the brain's health. Over 90% of americans are deficient in choline. Clearly, we need to be eating more of it. Cupcakes have eggs. Eggs have choline. Eat more cupcakes!

Sugar gives you energy. Candy makes you feel dandy. That's because it's made of sugar! This is an ingredient that also figures prominently into cake and frosting, the main components of a cupcake. Sugar sends glucose straight to the blood, causing insulin levels to increase while you experience a quick burst of energy. PARTY TIME! 

Flour Power

Flour gives you energy, too. It recently came to my attention that eating white flour gives you blood-sugar spikes, just like white sugar. Well, I don't know about you, but when I eat sugar I feel invincible. So it would stand that if I eat flour AND sugar, at once, I'll be double-invincible! Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to jump from the window and see if I can fly. Gluten, yeah!


Butter: The world's most reliable source, Men's Health, wisely tells me, "Fat, like that in butter, is necessary in order to help your body absorb many of the healthy nutrients found in vegetables. For instance, without fat, your body can't absorb carotenoids—powerful disease-fighting antioxidants found in colorful vegetables—or fat-soluble vitamins, such as vitamins A, D, E, and K. So go ahead, eat butter, and do it without guilt." How is cake going to be healthy without butter!? 

Vanilla: As I learned here, It can reduce stress, help with nasusea, and assist in regulating menstruation. You heard it here: cupcakes as a cure for morning sickness or PMS! What's not to love about this potent vanilla mixture? 

Wow! I'm feeling healthier already, aren't you? Although I'm starting to feel the weirdest energy low after spending the last hour eating cupcakes (you know, for excersise). But Although I feel healthier already, I'm also beginning to feel a slight blood sugar downtick. I know exactly how to cure that...another cupcake! 

Here's to your cupcake-eating, absolutely delicious health! 

Five Things to Do With Leftover Pancakes

Leftover pancakes

When it comes to Important Worldwide Problems, the issue of leftover pancakes is really not one of them.

But if in your family you have a designated Pancake Maker who doesn't believe in moderation and must make about 48 at a time (that would be SpyDad, in my family), you might occasionally find yourself in an excess pancake situation. The idea of throwing out the extra pancakes is just awful, but then again, sometimes you get tired of just eating them straight.

And for those times, I have designed several fun uses for those leftover tasty cakes. And yes, in advance, I am very proud of myself.

Pancake french toast

Pancake French Toast: Taking a cue from leftover toast, make some pancakes perdu! Following the same steps you would use to make French Toast, get your griddle nice and toasty and fry up some egg-and-sugar-and-milk coated 'cakes for a tasty and decadent morning treat.

Pancake french toastPancake french toastPancake french toastPancake french toast

See? Easy.

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Pancake Donut

Doughnut Fake-Out: Nope. Those aren't doughnuts. They're Faux-nuts! Simply pop out the center of a pancake (use an apple corer for a perfect circle, or just hack it out like I did with a knife) and frost it in your favorite doughnut icing colors. Easy, sweet, and fun! 

Pancake donutPancake Donut

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Pancake Cake

Petite Pancake Layer Cake: Now, to say that I am proud of this mini cake would be a vast understatement. I kind of think I'm a genius. All you have to do is layer pancakes with frosting, and you've got yourself what could pass as a gourmet torte (or at least a mini Smith Island Cake!). Since I believe in moderation, I made mine 6 layers, but seriously, the sky's the limit.

Pancake Cake Pancake CakePancake Cake

Look, here I even put a macaron on top to show you the full scope of its mini adorableness! Pancake Cake

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Black and white pancake cookie

Pancake Black and White Cookie: While frosting that pancake torte, I realized that these pancakes were the perfect palette to create mini black and white cookies. So I whipped up some vanilla and chocolate frosting (a recipe can be found here, if you look for the icing) and made some black and whites. This was a no-brainer--I mean, these drop cakes are already practically pancakes. The texture is a little different, but they're pleasantly passable.

Black and white pancake cookieBlack and white pancake cookie Black and white pancake cookieBlack and white pancake cookie

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Mini Pancake Taco

Pancake Mini Dessert Tacos: Inspired by the choco taco, this totally sweet treat is a pleasure to make and a pleasure to eat. Wow friends with your total cleverness as you bend the pancake gently to mold to a taco shape, fill it with a little chocolate ice cream (I used Jeni's Splendid Ice Cream, in the Roxbury Road flavor--jealous?), and top it with some tinted coconut. If desired, add some easter candy to really bring the seasonal aspect home. 

Mini Pancake TacoMini Pancake Taco

Mini Pancake TacoMini Pancake Taco

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Of course, you don't have to stop here. There are so many things that you could do with leftover pancakes. Make them into pancake fries (like these pie fries!). Sandwich frosting in between two for a delicious snack! Crush them and mix them with frosting instead of cake, for pancake pops! Mash em with ice cream in your blender for a Pancake Shake! Use them as your carbohydrate base for bread pudding! Seriously, the world is your pancake oyster. Live your leftover pancake life deliciously!

Does Cake Taste Different Depending on Your State of Mind?


Cake always tastes delicious. That's a fact and nobody can take that away from you.

But here's a question that, once it occurred to me, made me pause to ponder: does the same cake taste different depending on the time of day and your state of mind? Obviously, there was only one way to find out: I had to make myself a cake-eating guinea pig in this important experiment.

So I made up a batch of cake--cupcakes, in fact. Vanilla with chocolate frosting. Actually, it was the cupcake version of my birthday cake from last year. So I know it's a cake I like. I put several in the freezer so they wouldn't go stale, and then rationed them out to myself over the next several days, experimenting with how the cake would taste at various times of day and centered around different activities.

Oh, the things I do for science! Here's how it went. 

Wake n cake

Wake n Cake: Cake eaten directly after waking up. That's right. I had the cake at the ready, so that when I woke up, I literally turned over to my night table, grabbed the plate of cake, and dug in (what I do for the sake of research!). Believe it or not, it isn't the first time I've done something like this, but it is the first time I tasted mindfully and really observed the experience. I still had morning breath and felt sleep-fuzzy, and the cake almost seemed like an interloper in my sleep world. My taste buds rejected it at first as foreign, odd. But the more I ate, the cake taste coated my mouth and I tasted sweet, not sleep. Not a bad way to wake up the taste buds, but I think I'll wait at least 10 minutes in the future before going for the cake.

Cake while watching tv

Cake Interrupted: Cake while eating TV. It basically went like this: I'm eating, I'm eating, it's sweet, and then it's gone. Wait, how did that happen? I realized that while the cake tasted good, I barely registered the experience. I felt like I'd had just a bite or two, and I wanted more. I can see why eating in front of the TV is not good for you--you don't eat mindfully at all!

Cake yoga

Cake OM: cake after yoga class. This was probably the best cake of all. I felt like my senses had been awakened by stretching my body, and walking outside into the brisk coldness and walking two blocks home, I felt invigorated. Still in that zen state of mind, I ate quietly, slowly, and mindfully. I tasted every bite, and every bite tasted like a sweet reward. I highly suggest eating cake after yoga or exercise. 

Cake salad

Virtuous cake: cake eaten after salad. Have you ever eaten a slice of cake directly after eating a salad? It's weird, man. You've got the natural sweetness of the salad ingredients--the crispy lettuce, carrots, etc. And the tartness of the vinaigrette. Then you have a slice of cake, and it just tastes weird and sour for a few bites. Luckily, after the initial few bites my taste buds were acquainted with the cake, and I found it an enjoyable experience. But the first few bites were really not that enjoyable.

Cake and burger

Naughty cake: cake eaten post cheeseburger. I'm told that eating a fat slice of cake after eating a nice fat burger is not so good for you, healthwise. But I'm here to make an argument for its nourishment of the soul. The gorgeous contrast of the soft sweetness of the cake following the savory salty unctuousness of the burger is an absolute thing of beauty. It felt like yin and yang. I craved ice cream with the cake, or to have the cake slightly chilled for even more of a cooling, sweet contrast, but the room temperature cake seemed to do just fine. Verdict: Thumbs up. 


Cake Walk: cake eaten while walking around the block. Eating and walking is an interesting experience. For me, it is a mixed bag. It's enjoyable because I like the feeling of eating outside--the air on your skin, even cold, stimulates my taste. But eating a slice of cake (a strange food to be eating while walking) made me self conscious, and I think this took away from tasting because I was concerned about people looking at me. Verdict: thumb halfway. 

Cake in bed

Cake Dreams: Cake eaten right before bed. Do sweet foods give you sweet dreams? Well, I thought they might at first, because eating cake at night in bed is AWESOME. Not so awesome, however, is a half hour later when you're trying to sleep and find yourself all sugar-fired-up and ready to like, dance the macarena or something. Of course, I am not a big late-night eater, so this made me uncomfortable and too energized before bed. 

Sweet Product: Whoopie Pies From Chococoa Baking Company

Whoopie Pie ride

Not so long ago, I received an email from a place called Chococoa Baking Company, asking if I'd sample their whoopie pies.

Turns out this retail bakery (with an online and wholesale division) has made quite a name for itself in the North Shore of the greater Boston area, where they've been churning out what they call "the Whoopie"--a mini (3 bite-ish) version of the popular treat that is "A smaller, richer, triple chocolate version of the childhood treat." 

Co-owners Alan and Julie have some eclectic inspiration. For Alan, this is the realization of a lifelong dream to develop a snack food. He thanks his two heroes: first his mother, and then...former Federal Reserve Chairman, Alan Greenspan. Of course. As he explains it, "My mother was a great baker and always trying new recipes." As for Mr. Greenspan? He said that you do not need to develop a new product but rather improve an existing one. Nice. 

Whoopie pies

Julie, Chococoa's co-owner, is a Maine native who grew up making whoopie pies with her grandmother and mother; she felt that the classic treat could benefit from a makeover, too. 

Sure, I said, and they sent me a sample. But I don't know if they were aware of what exactly awaited their sweet treats when I received them. Because, you see, I like to get to know baked goods before I sample them. So, I unwrapped them and had way more fun with them than I ought to have.

First, I showed one my hamburger phone. Whoopie Pie Burger Phone


Whoopie Pie Burger Phone

I showed a few my book. They made appropriate cooing sounds of approval. Whoopie pie book

I gave some a healthy snack.

Whoopie Pies and apple

I safely wrapped a few and took them for a walk. Whoopie pie

I took them to an 18th Century Garden. Bet you're wondering how I knew it was an 18th Century Garden. Whoopie Pie at an 18th century garden

I showed them statues.

Whoopie pie at statue

I showed them historical landmarks. Independence Hall Whoopie Pie

Back home, I introduced one to a naked baby. Whoopie pie and baby

One enjoyed a conversation with a cupcake. Conversational Whoopie Pie

I shared with them some of my artwork. Whoopie Pie Bacon

I showed them my unicorn collection: Whoopie pies and unicorn

They were so happy.

Whoopie Pie Hello

and then I ate them.

Whoopie pie bite

Wow, you're thinking, when did this turn into a Whoopie Pie snuff film? No, people. They're just whoopie pies. They're meant to be consumed.

And for sure, these ones were rather tasty. In the parcel, as you've noticed in the pictures, there were several different flavors of filling. I tried ones filled with vanilla cream, salted caramel cream, raspberry cream, and chocolate ganache. 

What's clear is that these are a step above your typical ubiquitous whoopie pie, quality-wise--the fillings are on par with the frostings at a high end cupcake shop, and the cake is quite nicely made--very chocolatey, and not crumbly or devoid of flavor like so many whoopie pies can be, in my opinion. 

I vote that they are a highly satisfying treat. And proof that sometimes it's great to take some childlike joy in your food, and play with it!

Whoopie Pie book

Buy your own whoopie pies to mess with! If you're in Newburyport, visit 50 Water Street, where they have a retail location; or, order online. Here's their website.

50 Uses For Oreos You May Not Have Considered

Oreos are not good--they are great. But even while I'm sure you're highly qualified to appreciate their greatness, there may in fact be some uses for these sweetwiches that you've never considered. Ponder these ideas, preferably while savoring an Oreo in whatever way you prefer to eat yours. Marvel at how a treat you know so well now has so many new ways to be loved! Count your blessings that we live in a world where Oreos are plentiful.

Here we go: 50 Uses for Oreos You May Not Have Considered.



  1. Bake them into a cupcake! (picture above, courtesy Bake it in a Cake)
  2. Coat them in chocolate, rather than buying the chocolate covered kind.
  3. Use one as a pendulum. Ponder how delicious the passage of time can be.
  4. If it's a little stale, use it as a hockey puck.
  5. Image: WikihowDIY Quadruple Stuf Oreos! Take the cookie side off of two Double Stuf, and stick them together. YES!
  6. Eat it awesomely: dunk an oreo in milk with a fork! 
  7. Use an Oreo as an artist model and create a portrait. 
  8. If you're able, make this rainbow oreo a reality--because this was only a promo image. Like the writer of this article, I was disappointed that it was not a real thing!
  9. Imagine what the world would look like if Oreo was the moon
  10. Make Oreograms! Send friends notes with oreos included. It's bound to make their day sweet!
  11. Image: InstructablesMake something cute, such as oreo panda cupcakes!
  12. Drop them from a 5-story building and see what's left when they hit the ground.
  13. Oreo Face
  14. Give it a smiley face with writing icing and call it your new friend. Quickly become your new friend's worst nightmare by eating it.
  15. Image: Culinary Concoctions by PeabodyThree words: Oreo. Krispie. Treats.
  16. Put them in your peanut butter sandwich.
  17. Oreo Stuffed cookie
  18. Stuff them in a chocolate chip cookie.
  19. Use them as a cookie crust for a pie!
  20. The ideal counter-weight for holding a balloon, or many!! (liberties taken with a National Geographic photo)
  21. Make Oreo Soup: Put Oreos in a bowl of milk. Let sit for 20 minutes. Eat this fantastic mush with a spoon. Oreo Soup!
  22. Scatter them at a wedding instead of stupid rice.
  23. Oreo Checkers
  24. Use them as game pieces instead of checkers.
  25. Mash them into a milkshake for a fresh and delicious Cookies N Cream Shake.
  26. Hold your own "Down With Hydrox" rally, and serve Oreos as refreshments.
  27. Let them float in a dish of milk for the cutest little castaway float ever. Then make Oreo Soup (see #19).
  28. Make S'moreos.
  29. Make an Oreo Friendship necklace. Seriously!
  30. Oreo and peanut butter pie. YES!
  31. Make Oreo Pops!
  32. Image: Serious EatsUse them to make this cake.
  33. Eschew the Oreo and make a cake that LOOKS like a giant oreo.
  34. Share one with a friend.
  35. Oreo Chair
  36. Make an adorable little chair using an oreo as the seat. 
  37. Shellac them and turn them into jewelry or paperweights.
  39. Make them into a manhole cover for elves!
  40. OreOMG
  41. Use them as an "O" in various witticisms.
  42. See how many you can fit in your mouth at once. Post pictures, please. 
  43. Make an Oreo Mickey and Minnie Mouse. Cute.
  44. Oreo Flower
  45. Make an Oreo flower! Marvel at how impressed your friends are by your "special" art.
  46. Oreo pudding poke cake. YES!
  47. Learn about them: here's a brief history.
  48. Make an Oreo rainbow. 
  49. Deep-fry 'em and pretend you're at the state fair.
  50. Ask one to marry you. Hope it says yes.
  51. No-bake Oreo Pie cups!
  52. Stuff them in donuts (oh wait, Dunkin Donuts already did that!)
  53. Cookies n cream scones, yo!
  54. Image: KraftTry banana pudding that employs oreos instead of nilla wafers. Why not?
  55. Make Oreo Martians! Cute.
  56. Eat 'em. OK, probably you have considered this use...but you know, it can't hurt to reinforce that this is a good idea.

Got a favorite use for Oreos that is not mentioned here? Leave a comment, sweeties!

A World in Which Chocolate Bars Cost $18

Expensive s'more

Recently, I was offered a sample of a new chocolate bar.

It's called Good & Evil, and it's a bar with a serious pedigree: it was designed by big names such as Eric Ripert, Tony Bourdain and Christopher Curtin of Éclat Chocolate. As I was informed, the bar is "made from extremely rare Peruvian cacao beans and studded with nibs, will make its official debut at the New York Chocolate Show on Friday, November 9."

Pricey chocolate

Oh, and did I mention...it's $18 per bar?

Yes. You heard me. This bar of chocolate is $18 at eclatchocolate.com

Would I like a sample? Heck yes. I want to know what an $18 chocolate bar tastes like!

Expensive chocolate

But while I waited for the bar to arrive, I had a good few days to fantasize about a world in which chocolate bars are $18. What else would happen in such a world, I wondered? Well, I was pretty sure that in this brave new world...


Currency Engagement ring doughnut Cake House Candy necklaces Pearl sugar Scrooge McDuck

Or maybe...just maybe...a world in which there are $18 bars of chocolate is an opportunity to make the most motherfluffin' amazing s'more of your life.

Which is exactly what I did when I received the sample. Since this was a fancy s'more, I decided to use some of my leftover Walkers shortbread. A chocolate like this was worthy of something more delicious and fancier than a commercial graham cracker, in my opinion. But the marshmallows...I just used regular jet-puffed ones. Don't judge me.


You guys. It is possible that this was the best s'more ever made in the history of the world. It was buttery and expensive and sweet, all at once. The cheap marshmallows made it a sort of "silver spoon and paper plate" type of experience.


I don't think I can ever eat a "regular" s'more ever again. Gosh, is this like flying first class--you can never go back to coach, comfortably?


Oh, I'm kidding. The chocolate is very, very good--but I'll be honest, I don't know if I ever would have tried it if it hadn't been offered. But I sure enjoyed it once they did offer it to me.

Pricey chocolate

It was a rather nice way to taste the "sweet life". Want a taste? It's available for $18 on eclatchocolate.com if you are curious.

Sweet Art: Popcones

I'm so clever sometimes...

Welcome to my creative process.

Today, while I was spending some time creating clever illustrations, I had an observation. It was this. The way I draw ice cream cones...

Cupcake and Ice Cream Take a walk

and the way I draw popcorn...is pretty similar.

Popcorn and peanuts

See? They're both ok with it. They embrace the fact that while they share similar shapes, they are actually quite different. 

Ice cream and popcorn

But it got me thinking - could I create a real-life popcone?

Highly inspired by this idea and in need of a fun procrastination project, I hit photoshop, and I made this. POPCONE! 


But then I thought it would be more magical and cute to make them tiny. So I asked a friend if she had any popcorn, and asked for two good-looking kernels. She didn't ask why, she just gave them to me.

And I grabbed my art supplies, and made a few lines. And after a few minutes I had these:

I'm so clever sometimes...

OH MY GOD! Ice cream cones for elves!


Popcones! So there is your sweet observation of the day, illustrated sweetly: popcorn and ice cream cones have more in common than you might think. 

Cake Mix Science

Frosting Cake

I remember when I was young, observing my mother make cakes, and how something always kind of bugged me: the difference between cake batter and frosting.

Consistency-wise, the cake batter and the frosting really didn't seem terribly different to me--why did they have to be treated so differently? One went in the oven, and the other had to wait til that part was cool and was then spread all over the baked part.

Frosting Cake

But what would happen if you just combined the cake and the frosting before baking? Could you streamline the process?

Frosting Cake

Although I'm much older now, I'm clearly not wiser, because I took the time to see what would happen today. I conducted my experiment with Duncan Hines Butter Golden Cake Mix and Whipped Fluffy White Frosting in a tub.

Frosting cake

I started out by respectfully following the directions. The mix asked to be combined with 3 large eggs, 1/2 cup water, and 7 tablespoons of softened butter. I did so.

Frosting Cake

Per the directions, I mixed it in a large bowl in my stand mixer on low speed until combined, then jacked up the speed and mixed for four more minutes. Meanwhile, the oven was preheating.

Frosting Cake

And then I went rogue. I took the entire tub of frosting, and folded it into the cake batter. It made the consistency of the batter silky and sticky. And delicious.

Frosting Cake Frosting Cake

Here's what it looked like before going in the oven.

Frosting Cake

I spread the thick batter in the prepared cake pans and baked it for 22 minutes, as suggested on the box. I divided it between two 9-inch cake rounds. I baked one first, in case I messed up.

I know you're not supposed to, but since I was already breaking the rules I opened the oven part-way through baking. Here's what it looked like. Weirdly it looked like it had mini marshmallows in the middle.Frosting Cake

When I took the cake out of the oven, here's what greeted me.

Frosting Cake

It was a bit jiggly in the middle, but it appeared to have set on the sides and top. So I let it cool for a while - a long while, about 2 hours. During this time it deflated somewhat. 

Frosting Cake - after cooling

Then I flipped it over on to a plate. It was gooey in the middle, but not really liquid. More pudding-like, or gooey butter cake innards-like.

Frosting Cake

I thought "since it already has frosting, does that mean I don't have to frost it?". And then I quickly answered myself: "Don't be stupid, of course you still have to frost it."

So I did. And I added sprinkles.

Frosting Cake

When cut into at room temperature, the center was quite gooey. Cutting was kind of difficult. I got frosting on my fingers...but I made it out of this situation OK.

Frosting Cake

After chilling the cake in the fridge, cutting was much easier.

So how did the cake taste? It was actually pretty good. It was more dense than a typical cake--while it had risen in the oven, it deflated into a dense round after cooling. It was somewhat like a Philadelphia butter cake or gooey butter cake in its texture--crunchy on the outside, gooey and creamy in the center. 

Actually, I'd go so far as to say I'd do this again. The slice I had was decidedly tasty--very moist, and extremely decadent. Final word? I want more.

Oreo Etiquette


OreOMG! These creme-filled cookies are delicious. They're to be loved. But...let's be serious here...are you really showing the proper Oreo etiquette at all times? OreOh, Dear. Please, allow me to educate you on the proper way in which to conduct yourself when you find yourself up close and personal with an Oreo Encounter.

If you'd like to express delight:


To show your appreciation for something tasty you just ate: Oreo Nom

To indicate that you're deeply pleased after eating a fat stack of Double Stuf Oreos: Oreoh, yeah

In response to someone saying "Oh noes! I dropped my Oreo in my milk!":Oreoh dear.

To express your utter delight about eating an Oreo on the Eiffel Tower: OreOhlala

For if someone says "excuse me, I believe you're eating my Oreo, may I have it back, please?":

N'oreo way!

...and of course, to express disbelief, happy surprise, or just sheer amazement, it's always appropriate to exclaim thusly:


Of course, this is just a small sampling of the proper etiquette when it comes to Oreos; hopefully you've gotten the idea and will be able to apply this newfound knowledge to any number of social sandwich cookie situations. For more Oreo fun, visit their website.

Sweet Treats: Peeps Dumplings


Today, I found myself with a few little ingredient odds and ends at hand.

Included: Peeps, pie crust, tinted coconut.

And so I thought...why not engage in a little Peeps Torture? After all, this a documented fun activity. Who hasn't enjoyed a little Easter-time Peeps torture? 

And so, I cut out scraps of pie crust in a size about 5 inches by 5 inches.

On top of it, I laid a little bed of tinted coconut.


And then I put a Peep on top of that...like putting it on a little nest. 


And then I gathered the crust and sort of "tented" it around the peep. Like a little bed!


Is it just me, or does Peep #2 look a little concerned?

Well, he had good reason for concern. He was next to be put into a bed. A forever bed.

and then...I put these little dumplings in the oven. And then...



Here's how to make this magic happen at home.


Peeps Dumplings


  • Pie crust scraps (enough to roll back out to about 5x5 inches)
  • As many Peeps as you have pie scrap pieces
  • shredded coconut 
  • Chocolate chips or chocolate pieces (I didn't to this but think it would taste good so I am suggesting it here)


  1. Place one Peep and whichever fillings you'd like on the center of each piece of pie crust.
  2. Form a little "tent" around the peep, making sure to seal the top off to prevent oozing.
  3. Bake at 400 degrees for 7-10 minutes, or until it starts to brown.
  4. Let cool, but serve still slightly warm.

The Secret Lives of Cupcakes

Um. What.

What do cupcakes do after the bakery closes? This is a question I think about a lot. I like to imagine them as little elves, getting to the real work of misbehaving and making magic after hours. And after I received this wonderful batch of cupcakes decorated to look like my Cuppie character at the CakeSpy Official Book Launch Party, made by New York Cupcakes and wearing wrappers by Bella Cupcake Couture, I had a chance to see for myself. Here's what they did:

This little cupcake took a ride on a pug...

Cupcake riding a pug!

This little cupcake helped me bake...

Cupcake helped me make frosting

This little cupcake considered cannibalism...

These look great!

These little cupcakes like Bakerella...

I just love Cake Pops!

This little cupcake didn't even know it was being hunted...

Pugs want cupcakes

This little cupcake dreamed of unicorns...

Cupcakes dream of unicorns

This little cupcake enjoyed the harvest...

Mellowcreme pumpkins surrounding cupcake

These little cupcakes hung out with some hotties...


This little cupcake made a big mess...

Cupcake from book launch party

This little cupcake didn't fear death...

Naughty cupcake!

But perhaps he ought to have.

Goodnight, sweet cupcake

...the end.


Epilogue: a giveaway! For week 2 of the CakeSpy book giveaway bonanza, simply leave a comment on this post answering the question: have you ever encountered a sweet treat that was so cute that you couldn't eat it? Be honest. The winner will receive a signed copy of CakeSpy Presents Sweet Treats for a Sugar-Filled Life and will be chosen at random on Thursday, October 27, at 5pm PST. Entrants from all over the world welcome!

30 Uses for Leftover Birthday Cake

Fact: when you have over 30 birthday cakes, you're bound to have some leftovers. And after my BYOC (Bring Your Own Cake) birthday party to celebrate my recent 30th birthday, I found myself with over 36 types of cake. What to do to maximize the leftovers in such a situation? Luckily, I had a few ideas. Here they are, in case you ever find yourself in such a situation:

  1. Enjoy it the morning after, straight from the fridge or freezer. It's not elegant, but it has its charms.
  2. Birthday Cake Bread Pudding.
  3. Leave it at the bus stop in a tupperware container with a note for someone to find it. I'd eat that if I found it at a bus stop.
  4. Birthday Cake French Toast.
  5. If it's cupcakes...Bake 'em in MORE cupcakes!
  6. Chocolate Covered Cake on a Stick. Hey, they do it with cheesecake and Key Lime pie!
  7. Use one of these tricks to bring it back to life.
  8. Cake Crumb Cookies. I'd never heard of them til today!
  9. If one of them was a cheesecake, make a Grilled Cheesecake.
  10. Make trifle.
  11. More specifically, make a "Russian Cake" or "Creole Truffle". 
  12. Share it with the public (that's what I do at my store!).
  14. Crumble it up and use it as an ice cream topping or mix-in.
  15. Use it as a cinnamon roll filling! Like this recipe, but with cake instead of cookie dough.
  16. Slice it into thin slivers and use it to line a pie plate. Prepare a batch of your favorite no-bake pudding or cream pie filling, and pour it into the cake-sliver "crust". Possible flavor combinations: Hummingbird cake with banana pudding filling.
  17. Crumble it and make cake pops, adding a little extra frosting or butter if needed to make the filling hold together; coat with melted chocolate or candy coating as in this recipe.
  18. Similar, but with booze: make rum balls.
  19. Make Birthday Cake Soup.
  20. Make "chocolate salami". No, I am not kidding. And no, I didn't invent it, but I'm glad it exists.
  21. Use two thin slices as the bookends to an especially decadent ice cream sandwich.
  22. Make a cake-plate sampler and share it with your next-door neighbors. Extra points if you give it to a neighbor you've never met before.
  23. Make cake croutons, the perfect topping for candy salad!
  24. Use it (cake only, no frosting) to line a tart or pie pan before baking (it will keep things from sticking).
  25. Make a charlotte, using sliced birthday cake in place of bread or ladyfingers.
  26. Crumble up an entire slice and bake into a batch of brownies. You'll be rewarded with crunchy bits and swirls of buttercreamy frosting. 
  27. Top it with jam and eat instead of toast for breakfast. Healthy!
  28. Birthday cake cereal. Cut it into half-inch cubes and put in a bowl. Pour milk over it and eat with a spoon. Better than granola!
  29. Cube it and entomb it in an awful but awesome-looking jell-o mold.
  30. Deep-fry it. On a stick, if desired.



Letter From Whoopie Pie: Please Stop Trying to Fix Me Up With Boston Cream Pie

To Whom It May Concern:

Hi, Whoopie Pie here. Now, I know I'm kind of easy to make fun of. I have a stupid name, and even my regional variation in Pennsylvania is called "Gob"--not much better. But today I'm not here to lobby for a cooler name like Sweetburger or Awesome Sandwich. 

No, I'm here to talk about matters of the heart.

Now, before you start to titter about "making whoopie", please know that your comments cannot hurt me, because I have heard them all. ALL OF THEM I TELL YOU.

I am writing to implore you to please, please, please STOP TRYING TO FIX ME UP WITH BOSTON CREAM PIE.

I get it, ok? I totally get it. We're both baked goods that have "pie" in the name that are not actually pies. We're actually both more cakey. In my case, cakey cookie. And in Boston Cream Pie's case...well, just cake, layered with cream and chocolate.

I hear Bostie's name comes as a result of his ancestors being baked in pie tins, so I guess there's some connection, even if it's weak. But in my case, no, I can't tell you why pie is in my name. It's like asking why is birthday cake delicious or who first combined peanut butter and chocolate . Nobody knows for sure, but we know they're Good Things.

So yeah, we do have stuff in common. We're both cakey, we both contain chocolate, and we're both delicious. 

But here's the thing. Just because we're both from the Northeast, just because we're both Official State Foods (I'm the official state snack of Maine; Boston Cream Pie holds the honor of official state dessert in Massachusetts), just because we're both Pie misfits, just because we both contain butter and sugar and eggs...it doesn't mean that we complete each other.

For one thing, Boston Cream Pie is a cool guy, really he is, but he's so uptight, you know, in that reserved Boston blue-blood sort of way. I mean, he's from the Parker House. As much as he says he can just "roll with it" (I don't think he's trying to make a Parker House pun, either), it's just not true. Boston Cream pie is stiff, and kinda stale. It's all about the cream in the middle, but the cake is kinda boring.

He's just not my type. As for me, I like a tall drink o' milk. I've always been attracted to dairy types--milkshakes, flan, or tres leches cake any day. Don't believe it could work? It can. It has. I have a cousin who got married to Frozen Custard and they made a very beautiful baby.

So in closing: let me live my life, and you live yours. It's my body, and I can do what I wanna. And my fate isn't to become a Boston Cream Whoopie Pie (although that does sound tasty).


Whoopie Pie (but my friends call me Sweetburger)

Seeking Sweetness: Impromptu Jumbo Ice Cream Photo Shoot

Photos: Surber DesignsOne of the best parts about owning a store is having totally sweet, unexpected connections with customers.

And recently, I had a really special one. It involved two cute girls who came into my store. They were visiting from out of town, and had made CakeSpy Shop a destination. Naturally, I already liked them. 

They were very taken by the store's decor, especially my jumbo ice cream cones. And this led to a conversation about ice cream, and I advised them that they should visit Bluebird Ice Cream, where I recently completed a mural. And I'm not sure how it exactly happened, but we all decided that they should take the ice cream cones with them. The only stipulations? "Be sure to bring them back, and promise that you'll send me the pictures," I said.

Would they ever come back? I trusted they would.

And they did, and they bought stuff (I told you I liked them!), and they sent me the pictures of their great ice cream adventure. Here they are. Credit goes to Bethany Surber (Surber Designs) for the great photos, and to Kristen for being the cutest ice cream cone model ever.Twirling with an ice cream cone is a delight!Hello, Bluebird Ice Cream!Hello, CakeSpy Mural!Hello, rest of mural!Thank you Bethany and Kristen for making my day a little sweeter!

Macabre Foodie Fairy Tale: The Land of Misfit Pastries by CakeSpy and Seattle Food Geek

CakeSpy Note: Not long ago, Scott of Seattle Food Geek approached me, narrowed his eyes, lowered his voice, and said "do you want to harm some innocent baked goods with me?". And--because at my core I'm darker than the darkest chocolate, I said "yes". And so we got together, and we tortured those treats, and as you can see from the story we made around it, we both liked it (possibly too much). Here goes:

In a land not so far away, in the dark endcap displays of the grocery store, exists the land of misfit pastries.

These are the sad, stale, and typically on-sale sweets that have not been purchased, the unloved in a generally lovable section of the food pyramid.

Like shooting stars, their futures initially looked bright. But as someone (don't ask me who, probably a lighting salesman) once said, "the brighter the light, the bigger the shadow". And here, we are going to delve into some of the bad things that can happen to fallen pastries.

Take here the hapless cookies, so festive and fresh a few days ago, which are now inspiring the ire of a rather dapper Watermelon. What will happen next in this scene? We cannot be sure, but one thing is certain: that Mr. Watermelonsworth is displeased, and his monacle and mustache should tell you that he means business.

...or see how cupcakes have fallen into an unfortunate series of events. sometimes we do senseless things when we are bored or just hungry. were these purposeful lures or simply a cupcake playdates gone bad? Nobody can be sure, but one thing's certain, these poor Hostess cupcakes are never gonna be the same, and their friends are looking hungry.

...oh, and that happy hand pie, BFF with Mr. Unicorn? Looks like Mr. Unicorn sold his friend out to food abusers, and look what they did to him!It is proof that you never know who your friends are, and that the world is a bad, bad place.


...and what of the Cinnamon Roll who once greeted the day with high hopes of being made into a breakfast of champions? Now he's been relegated to Accidental Smoothie, a stale, sad pile of carbohydrate crumbs.

...as for the scone, let's just say it's a blessing that he never saw the homogenizer coming.

...and what of the cookies? Those sweet flowers made of flour, butter, and love? With no parental supervision they got up to some mischief and found themselves in deep--literally--in the sous vide.

So, boys and girls, the next time you see those bags of lonely, aging treats at the convenience store, know that their Sell By clock is ticking down to a rather gruesome demise. When you reach for the cake mix instead of the plastic-wrapped pocket pie, you’re turning your back on a helpless sweet. And when you buy that glistening, fresh, handmade cupcake from the neighborhood bakery, you’re signing the death warrant of another misfit pastry.

Thanks Seattle Food Geek for such an evil and wonderful time!